Thursday, September 14, 2006

Wilbur Hucks' Top Ten List of Things NOT to Do in Kanner Lake

10. Never go fishing with Pastor Hank unless your insurance is paid up and/or you're wearing a welder's mask.

9. Don't abuse the waterfowl. Swinging your pull-toy, wakeboard, kneeboard, etc., into a duck or Canada goose is just plain mean and turns the birds ornery. Nothing like sitting under when an angry Canada goose flies overhead.

8. [Bailey here: I'm not typing what Wilbur just said, but please be aware that there are restroom facilities at the park adjacent to Kanner Lake city beach.]

7. Don't litter. Six-pack rings are the worst--they get caught on birds' legs, around the necks of lake critters, in trawling motors--but any trash is bad news for the lake. [Bailey: Wilbur's right; it breaks my heart every time a Java Joint cup washes up on shore. Littering's bad enough, but to involve me in it--for shame.]

6. Don't drink yourself stupid and sail. Or canoe. Or motorboat. Jet-skiers are plain stupid to begin with, so there's no hope a warning'll do good there.

5. Don't drown sacks of kittens. Every summer we get some fool or three who thinks the solution to their household animal overpopulation problem is to bring a litter of kittens (or puppies; haven't had ferrets yet, but that day's coming) up here and dispose of them in the lake. Best case: the animals survive and we wind up with a feral cat problem. Worst case: the animals don't survive, but your washed-up canvas sack is discovered by a five-year-old beachcomber.

4. Don't. Whatever it was you were thinking you might do, but weren't sure of--just don't.

3. Don't help yourself to someone's boat dock. Private homes are just that: private. This goes for hot tubs that don't belong to you, too.

2. Don't lick the boreal toads. [B: Wilbur's trying a bit of reverse psychology here; licking any of the local toad species will accomplish two things: 1) give you a toady flavor in your mouth (no psychotropic toads in these parts) and 2) give Wilbur a laugh as he watches a bunch of out-of-towners licking toads. I'm so glad I'm typing these posts for Wilbur so I can set you straight ahead of time.]

1. Don't forget to go home. [Bailey: and tell all your friends to come visit. (Oooh, listen to Wilbur howl as he reads over my shoulder!) Take home a Java Joint mug to remind you of your trip and start conversations about Kanner Lake when neighbors come over for coffee--see link at left.]

Posted by ~ Bailey Truitt @ 7:00 AM
Well, Bailey, I will brave another comment and hope the "admirers" will keep control of themselves.

Wilbur has some good points here, and as part of this community's peace keeping force, I'd like to add one more.

How 'bout we call it number 11? That would be to come to Kanner Lake and never come back. We like to make friends here. Just hope the folks understand that.

That's all from your dutiful law enforcement servant, who's tipping his hat to all you brave "bloggers."
Posted by Anonymous Frank West : 9:39 PM
Aw, you folks don't need to be afraid of fishing with me! Wilbur just tends to forget the laughs we have over it (plus the fact that our first fishing trip fixed his sinus problem up pretty doggone good).

I promise: I haven't smacked anyone since.
Posted by Anonymous Pastor Hank : 7:35 AM
Uh, on second thought, that last comment may not sound good coming from a pastor...

Just read the story Bailey linked to, and you good people decided whose fault it was.
Posted by Anonymous Pastor Hank : 7:37 AM
Well Pastor Hank, it's like you said in that story. The folks in Kanner Lake take all kinds. :)
Posted by Blogger Tina : 8:34 AM
>How 'bout we call it number 11? That would be to come to Kanner Lake and never come back. We like to make friends here. Just hope the folks understand that.< - Frank West

Is there a typo in there somewhere, Frank? You telling folks to visit only once and never return? Doesn't seem all that friendly to me...
Posted by Anonymous burt laroy : 11:14 AM
My, I'm glad you mentioned this, Burt. I read Frank West's sentence over a number of times--and couldn't decide if he's serious or made an error, or what.
Posted by Anonymous elizabeth monty : 11:15 AM
Frank here again, folks. Well, guess you can see that by the name there above. My understandign was Wilbur's list about things NOT to do. So, my point was to encouraged our fair tourists NOT to make Kanner Lake a one time stop. Capeesh?
Posted by Anonymous Frank West : 11:22 AM
I second most of that.
Posted by Anonymous Angie B. : 3:41 PM
Wilbur, you're a hoot!
Posted by Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant : 9:22 PM
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home