BUTT PROBE?!! I'll ring yer dad gum neck is what I'll do! You can't just announce to the whole danged world I had a butt probe! And I sure as shootin' didn't choose it over bass fishin' you bleamin' idiot!

That's it. Yesterday you claim you put MY catfish in the slough, when everybody knows I planted that fish. Now you humiliate me in front of thousands--maybe millions! I'm so mad I'm shakin'. You better run Tremaine, cuz I'm comin' over to kick yer aaaa...ankle.

Sorry Bailey, almost slipped. I won't hurt him too bad. Just gonna have a little discussion with the thick-headed fool.

I'll be there in ten minutes, Jake.
 

Uh oh Jake. Looks like your new hobby may turn out to be boxing or running track once Jeb shows up. Might make a good story... think I'll head over too just in case.
Jared.
 

Bailey, can you do something about these men's comments? Such poor taste. I have enjoyed reading this blog, but I shall have to go elsewhere if my sensibilities continue to be offended.
 

Dear Ms. Monty:

"These men" were here first.
 

Oh, dear. Wilbur just got off the computer and came over to his stool, chuckling. Not always a good sign. I thought I'd better step out from behind the counter and see what's going on.

Ms. Monty, I hope you continue reading our blog. The thing is, I can't sit on top of it every minute, as I have a cafe to run. And we do have some strong personalities here. Perhaps you will enjoy some of the blogger's posts more than others. And when you get to know everyone better, you'll see what wonderful people they all are.

Blessings to you today.
 

Jake, how about taking up woodwork? You could make a jewelry box for your wife or daughter or niece. Another idea--get a puppy and train it to be a seeing eye dog. The world is full of new opportunities for us retired men, Jake. You'll find your niche, I'm sure. It took me awhile, but I found mine with genealogy and reading lots of books on history, among other things.
 

Ms. Monty, I completely understand how you feel. But living among these goons my whole life I can tell you, there's nothing Bailey can do to stop them. In fact, they've become part of the local attraction if you will. I almost feel like I should be eating a bag of popcorn when I watch them argue. It's them, the way they are. It's amusing once you get to know the bone heads, but alas, sometimes we just want to whack
'em over the head with a skillet!
 

Hey Aunt Bailey,
What's going on over at Jake's house? Cheif Edwards is there with his lights flashing, that guy from the Kanner Lake Times is parked sideways on Jake's lawn and Jeb Johansen's old beat up truck has one tire up on Jake's front porch! You usually have all the dirt--so tell me what's going on???
 

Oh Lord, not again! Those two need a babysitter. Don't worry Jessie, they won't kill each other--they need each other to catch Big Jonah. I'll head on over right now and see if Cheif Edwards needs a hand.
 

Okay, I've been reading the blog every day because a freind told me about it. Now, I'm starting to feel like I know you Kanner Lake people. So what's going on over there? Did Jeb hurt Jake? Why are the cops involved and is this episode going to be splashed all over the front page of the Times? Somebody better come up with some answers for us bloggers who live too far away to come check things out for ourselves!
 

Well, everybody can calm down. I just came from Jake's place and it was just as little Jessie said. (I know 17 isn't little anymore, Jessie, but you'll always be a little girl to most of us who love you). Jeb's truck was up on the porch, Jared's SUV parked across the lawn and the Chief's lights flashing--but nobody around. I expected to hear yelling and accusations, but there was only silence. I started to wonder if they had actually killed each other, but Mable (that's Jake's wife to those of you from elsewhere)pointed to the backyard without a word. I decided to make a wide swing around her and into the back yard. Still nothing. I followed the well-worn path into the woods that leads to the back of the slough, and started to hear voices. I bumped into Jared coming back up the path. "There's no story here," he said. "Never is."
I kept walking following the voices and laughter. Sure enough, there they were, Jake, Jeb and Chief Edwards fishing off the bank. I'd bet my finest fishing lure that amidst the hollering and swinging fists the Chief simply said,"Is Big Jonah still in the slough?"
That's all it would have taken to have those two running for their poles. He's a real fine cop and knows how to handle the excentrics! Catastrophe diverted.
 

Jake, I can’t help you with a hobby. But if you’re single, I’m just a hop, skip and a jump away in Spokane.

I always had a thing for loggers. I'd love to meet you!
 

Funny how that "big fish" always gets hooked right after I leave.
Jared
 

Okay everyone, this is Vince Edwards, Chief of Police in Kanner Lake. I know this one sounds like a tall tale, but believe me I saw it with my own eyes. Big Jonah swooped out of the water and wrapped his huge mouth around that basketball. When he realized it wasn't food, he couldn't spit it out. Seriously, the ball was stuck. Jonah tried to dive under but the ball was too boyant. I ran to my rig and grabbed the camera. Just when Jake splashed into the water to try and catch Big Jonah, it spit that ball out and took off. I've never seen anything like it in my life and I'm sure I'll never see it again. I know you're all thinking this can't be true. But I posted the pictures on Jake's blog and they're right there for everyone to see. Man, that was amazing!
 

Oh boy am I glad everything is okay over there. Jake, I was worried you'd end up in jail over this or maybe Jeb. I feel like I know you all, like you're family. If I ever make it to Kanner Lake, I'll head straight to Java Joint in hopes of meeting you.

But Jake was right! I went to his blog and those pictures are amazing. It's pretty hard to refute the truth of that catfish eating a basketball. You folks take care now.
 

OOOwwweee! That's one big fish. There was one in our pond that my granny always promised herself (and me) she'd catch. We'd feed our fish every day right after I'd get out of school and we could see this one huge mouth coming up to get food. My granny called him "Grandpappy" and she vowed to catch him. She never did, but I landed a five pounder and one turtle so huge, my dad just cut the line.

As for hobbies, hmmmm, I'll have to think on that one, but did you ever think of writing a book about your experiences with Big Jonah?
 

Hey Jake,
Great fish pictures. How about stop by my hobby shop next week and I'll set you up with a different kind of hook. LOL! Crocheting is a viable hobby these days. I bet you find it harder than hooking those worms. I dare ya?
 

JAKE TREMAINE, YOU GIT HOME! Who's computer are you using now? See what Bailey started with this blog nonsense? Stop acting like a big fool, thinkin' these women are interested in your wrinkled up ol' butt. You probably have half the town laughing at you. By the way, I saw Jeb and Art heading down to the slough earlier--I suppose they're after Big Jonah. Now breakfast is on, so git home, ya hear?